December 2009

MoonBlog 8.6

Invitation

While I do ‘live’ on the internet for quite a few years now, I’m not in the habit of hoarding contacts, email addresses, and other hollow attempts of creating a marketable presence online (wow, nice load of judgements and opinions there Sjef)

I do however want to invite each and everyone of you, us, here, to connect outside this field too, linkedin, facebook, you name it. Not as something to get any validation from, but to offer it to people outside, in a way. To show them our steps in not needing any, but still being this global life-form of energy, of intent, of intensity, of sharing. Connect with the genekeys facebook page, and with all of us, all mixed up as one giant ball of string, being and acting as one. (is this my radiance 45 speaking up?)
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MoonBlog 9.1

In all fairness

I suddenly get a rush of awareness, that in the invitiation of diving into our shadows, I’m actually reliving them over again. Where I was way up higher before entering the deep dive. It almost feel like a reversed effect on me.

Where I also have to acknowladge that there has been many subtle changes in behaviour, attitude, conceptualizing, feeling even. Some are much more profound, but can not yet put them to sentences.

But also, feeling drawn into deeps where I do not want to go again, although not sure if I should or should not. Who is to say what will come out of it, I don’t know, but it is as if you throw me in some field, any field, and I will eventually acquire and live aspects of that field, whether they are deep divers of genekeys, or major league baseballers.

So there is some feeling of over redundancy in it, but I’ll sit with it for a bit. And if this sense pervails I’ll switch gears and only focus on gifts for a bit from now on, and skip the shadows, because it really starts to feel uncomfortable in the no-sense department.
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MoonBlog 40.4

I miss my father

or a father figure, a mentor, guide, coach. And have tried to substitute through many people in my life. Wether my fathers brothers or neighbours, friends, teachers, colleagues, any and all really. Even though he has brought me up till age 10, and I owe my mum for it till age 20, I have a real sensation that it is him or my image of him that I miss the most. And not only through reading the 18th GeneKey. There are some things lacking in my education, and I don’t mean plain knowledge, but a feeling, a reprimande or a nudge of accord. Borrowing money, and it being ok that you do not pay it back, after a good many discussion of the why and how.

And sure I’ve become very wise on the streets, and through absorbing the energy and know-how of surrogates, wheter boyfriends of my mum, or people crossing my life’s paths. But it is not the same, the deep intensity of it is missing. The feeling of the nest, of home.

And in this fase in my life, I stare it right in the face, finally maybe, and try to resolve and deal with it.
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