awakening

We take ourselves so seriously, human beings.

“The not-self is a very serious creature, it really is. Everything upsets it. Everything is important. Everything is “this and that.” It doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s not what we’re here for. It’s not what the nine-centered being is all about. It really isn’t. The nine-centered being is here for consciousness. We’re not here for the survival game. We’re not here for the fear game. We’re not here for all of that. We’re not here to organize ourselves. We’re not here to dominate the planet.

Each and every one of us is here for the possibility of us, nothing else. The serendipity of your existence is the treasure. They come and they go. It’s all about what you do while you’re here. In this incarnation, in this life, the only measurement is awareness. There is no other measurement. There isn’t. It’s not about what you have or where you go, it’s about awareness. It’s only in awareness that you get to see what this is for, how beautiful it is. How amazing. And all of that is rooted in you.

And it doesn’t matter what our costumes are, our crosses are, or our designs. We each have a unique grounding in this world. And we each have a gift. It is our uniqueness, and the expression out of that uniqueness. This is what the promise is, a more interesting world, deeper and deeper and deeper communion. It’s what’s possible.” – Ra Uru Hu

MoonBlog 13.3

I feel nowhere more near to any waking up, as to when I was about 12-13 years old and cried my eyes out and lamented to the people in the room to want to be grown up.
No one asked precisely why I would want that or seek the cause of the depth of that desire, but I knew then and still do now, it was because I could make my own damn choices and not be so dependent on others, even parents. Or maybe especially them, at least back then.

I feel deeper and deeper aware these days, some 33 years later, aware of what life is about, as I tap into my memories of my past and all that I witnessed and learned. Things I experienced, for real, things I imagined, for real too, things that made sense, in the long deep grinding time consuming contemplations, years went by, sometimes crawling sometimes flying.

But still nowhere pushing through, punching through any veil.

Playing with both the deeper explorations of duality through this Human Design system, as well as exploring this otherworldy space of non-duality.

I’ve always been very reluctant of any kind of system, or teaching, person, guru, modality, religion or belief. That is, from others. My own ofcourse were carefully grown and then groomed, to flourish over time. I’ve always been quite contemplative, and sometimes feel I’m onto something, and then regularly fall back into unknowing, ununderstanding, not comprehending, not being able to tie the knots or connect the dots, over and over and over again.

I met, people into, Osho (Bhagwan) twice in my life but never felt drawn to follow these people to follow this guru kind of person, and his/their teachings and rules, until a third time only 5 years ago, I then ended up visiting the Resort in Puna India for about 3 months and had an interesting time, started reading his books and generally like what is said. Generally. I am not the kind of person to adhere to communal endeavors. I’d love to visit there again, and perhaps say hi to some of the people I met there, and meet some new ones, but he, nor anyone else is my one and only go to kind of inspiration. Or shuffler of my mental deck
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Moon Blog 63.2

yesterday I read this link I found on FB:

http://www.the-open-mind.com/21-traits-of-an-awakening-soul/

and particularly nr.2 (“We know things without having to intellectually figure them out. Often called intuitive awareness, we have ‘a-ha’ moments and insights that can explain some of the most complex theories or phenomenon in the world.”)
spoke to me considering this topic (https://www.facebook.com/groups/96640388365/10152263961118366/). Because yes, some information needs to be verified, tested in our personal experimentation and some maybe scientifically and more. Within the greater scheme of things and the validity of Human Design particularly, but some really do seem unexplainable, and that is ok to be. Which is not about believing, but it is about trust.

And it is not even about trust that it will be ok (as in good), or it will be this or trust that it will be that. but trust that it does not matter to me, living my life what it actually is, how and why it is. That for me was the big breakthrough in my life, of having the acute realization of -not needing- to know anymore. While still not believing any of it, but simply having found an inner cadence to living my life, with the Lunar Cycle, with my S&A, and seeing that -that- actually works.
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