To be grateful is a hoax, another trick of the mind, to soothe ourselves into believing in the goodness of the life we live, to focus on that one side of life to feel good about ourselves and our life. But who needs one-sided tricks to do that, to simply enjoy and accept all of it?
To include the drama, the horrors, the hurt, the cheating lovers, the broken down car, the crashed banks, why can we not be grateful about that? Why is striving for gratitude even an issue, what do we have to prove, to ourselves or others. Humbleness does not show, especially not on FaceTube
We can see the forced efforts in the sentences, comments, and even the videos, so desperately trying to show and show off what the fuck we are so grateful about. And the horror of admitting -that- is palpable.
In all fairness
I suddenly get a rush of awareness, that in the invitiation of diving into our shadows, I’m actually reliving them over again. Where I was way up higher before entering the deep dive. It almost feel like a reversed effect on me.
Where I also have to acknowladge that there has been many subtle changes in behaviour, attitude, conceptualizing, feeling even. Some are much more profound, but can not yet put them to sentences.
But also, feeling drawn into deeps where I do not want to go again, although not sure if I should or should not. Who is to say what will come out of it, I don’t know, but it is as if you throw me in some field, any field, and I will eventually acquire and live aspects of that field, whether they are deep divers of genekeys, or major league baseballers.
So there is some feeling of over redundancy in it, but I’ll sit with it for a bit. And if this sense pervails I’ll switch gears and only focus on gifts for a bit from now on, and skip the shadows, because it really starts to feel uncomfortable in the no-sense department.