MoonBlog 19.2 Interdependence

Tobacco III

5 whole weeks have passed since I’ve finally taken myself up on actually making work of stopping to smoke.

It has been in the making for several years now, in that sense I’m not stupid, I know I shouldn’t. But the thing that prevented me from doing it, was lack of joy in quitting. I mean, need for/to, and logic alone is not good enough. For me. And I quite enjoy smoking, actually, and still do.

I enjoy it because I’m rewarding myself in that sense, every so often, I give myself a cigarette, it is a cheap, small and easy gift, poisonous none the less, but still. You can give yourself lots of them daily, relatively cheap, even now when governments have enormously increased the prices.
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MoonBlog

Tobacco II

Today started with smoking only at the whole hour (handy wristwatch can tell me with a beep) instead of whenever. Trying to break through the habbit itself besides the addiction.

Noticed sometimes I smoke more per hour and sometimes none for several hours.

Tomorrow will see what options my health care assurance provides/accepts as viable treatments. Been reading meanwhile and soft-laser acupuncture interested me.

And as for doing something else instead of smoking while kicking it, I’ve bought a superb Kettler multi-gym fitness machine almost a year ago, still in the box in the hallway, awaiting me 😉

Small steps..
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MoonBlog 8.4 Respect

Bravado

As I was contemplating my last noticeable physical/mental addiction smoking, it sort of dawned on me that it has probably something to do with my open root center/gates. This stress and nervousness that I do not face but try to evade. And in doing so with this specific drug, I probably increase it, because of the physical effects of smoking. Thinner blood, colder body, eating less, no sports, unhealthy diet.

I have to say, the advantages are there too, breaking up the day in different experiences, and coming back in renewed (not through smoking but through getting out of a situation for a bit) And smoking is good relieve/release for anything in the end, if it rains: have a smoke, sun is out: have a smoke, you love someone dearly: have a smoke, you lover left: have a smoke (not trying to promote it though)

But I see the hold on me it has. And in one way I’m absolutely fine with it, otherwise I would have stopped aeons ago. On the other hand, on the brink of these changes I’m facing right now I realize it is holding me back. But I feel I cannot stop smoking for stopping of smoking itself. I need to tackle -why- I smoke, and how and when.
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