MoonBlog

MoonBlog 11.6 adaptability

Koen Hillewaert : “an open head, open ajna has second hand thoughts and inspiration… not first hand… so the thoughts we have, the inspiration we have is not ours, it came from somebody else. Just like an undefined solar plexus gets and multiplies the emotions from the other…”

[reflection:]preposterous

Just because we don’t have -consistent access to- the Solar Plexus, does not mean we do not have emotions of our own, ever, at all.

Or thoughts.

This is one of those things that get said in HD that really go too far, are being taken literal, for having been an analogy.

If and when being in aura with someone else, there is the -potential- to take in and amplify theirs, but it is not singularly true, all the time. You can sit with them, they get emotionally triggered, and you not. The Natural and Healthy State of the Undefined Solar Plexus is: emotionally quiet. And this can happen perfectly fine in aura with others.

Never your own thoughts, what a lot of bullcrap is that man. I live and spend so much time alone that I can tell when it is yours or mine. And much of the bullshit I think, is truly mine… well ok, it’s my minds.

Such a notion pretends there is no true self behaviour in undefined centers.
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“Is there anyone here who has experienced, and made it through apathy and prolonged depression during their HD experiment?”

when I smoked pot & hash every day, when I took LSD for the better part of a year, when I was a severe alcoholic, when I was homeless, when I was in prison, when I came out of prison, when I was single. When my mind was running the shitshow.

But never so much anymore since/during my HD experiment. But my life has been radically changed (well one could call it that, I kinda like it, so the comparison is just words) cause I occupy my left/active brain as much as possible with things that I enjoy.

Tinkering my ass off, with guitars, guitar effect pedals, amplifiers, modding them, tweaking and nerding. Since almost 2 years I got a 3d printer now THAT can keep you occupied !! ๐Ÿ˜€
and am looking forward to tinker with a cnc milling machine next, besides the motorbike(s) tinkering I always did.

“Sjef, why does your living room look like a barn?” she asked.
Because I can !

And, I only watch what I download myself, ie movies/tv-shows. And when I travel I take a vaccin if required. I no longer occupy my mind with the world, and it’s supposed issues, but mine only. I have become much more myopic, not even on purpose per se, not even as a mental strategy, but I do know it works for me.

Am I chasing only happy states? No, in the least, my daily life is not easy, but I know what I want to do with it, now, with the opportunities I now have. If I win the lottery those may change, but for now, I’m pretty damn good.

And then a few days of relapse, deep darkness, sadness. Mind projecting me all these things again. Ah well, time for another nap, or perhaps to level the bed once more (technical 3d printing term) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Make/have dinner, clean the house/barn, pffrt (blowing raspberry)

you know, I consider my life, and how it’s run, as a job. And I love my job, and I love me. So I try to do a good job. And work on it every single day. What is correct for me, what can I or can I not do/have/be today, enjoyable long term strategies planned, but adjusted as need be. Me, my life, one job. Every day.

Some times it is nap day, sometimes it is not ๐Ÿ˜‰
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‘Cause we need a little, controversy

to all moralists, liars and other 5 centered idiots,ย Sjef says: “of the 12 women into HD that had sex with me, averaging not even one HD sex partner per year of being into HD

about 4 have I taught any HD before the sex, with well over 200 that is averaging less than 1 in 50

the other 8 I either never taught or it was after the sex.”

If you read some of my writings and sharing and happen toย experience a drive to โ€“notโ€“ connect, great. If you do experience a drive to connect, great, you are hereby invited, asked, informed and initiated to do so through theย contact page.
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“are you interested in a romantic relationship with me?”

Im starting to get his sense that it (…) does not hinge on information or correctness, but all about emotional (im)maturity, some are born with/out and the rest is consequence, unless they grow some/more, as the only real growth path out there worth anything.

MoonBlog 53.2
Gate 53 of beginnings. Development.
Development as a structured progression that is both steadfast and enduring
Gate 53 Line 2 (exalted) momentum. Success breeds success
Exalted: The protection of early success nurtures further achievement. The pressure to start something new based on past success.
Detriment: A tendency with early success to haste and imprudent action. The pressure based on success to be impatient for something new.
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“I need to be using that”

03:46 “When I look at the FaceBook scene, for example, and there is so much information being passed around, and my mind gets right into it, and I like to debate information and I like to see different angles of it and I usually see weird things that people don’t and I could be wrong and whatever, but… But none of that interaction on facebook around the content like that, has anything to do with me being a manifestor and in fact, it is probably distracting me, like moment by moment, from being a splenic manifestor cause I’m up in my thinking head instead of in my body.”

When you own a bicycle, and watch tv, you do not all of a sudden, not own a bicycle, because you are watching tv.
Unless the bike was stolen in between, but not because you were watching tv, but because someone stole it.
Other than that, you still own a bicycle.

Interacting on FaceBook in HD groups, or in messaging etc, has -nothing- to do with decision making per your Inner Authority. Anyways, being in your thinking head, when it comes to working with information is perfectly normal, and it’s even legal too.ย There is no law against it. Against using mind, against being in your thinking head. It is irrelevant, to being whichever type, or whichever Strategy & Authority you may have.

It is pretending however, there is a better way, of doing things, ego/mind, undefined ego/heart center proving ones self to be right, or even correct, when that can not be the case ever since it was irrelevant to begin with.
The mistake is causality and strawman arguments; ‘One is not allowed to be in their thinking head, one should always be in the body’.

When in fact, mind = a wonderful Outer Authority, it is not dis-allowed to think. Or process information, or exchange information.

Only when making decisions with that same mind, as Inner Authority, does it become a not-self act, or action.

But watching tv, or interacting on FaceBook, does not change if you are a boy or a girl, if you need to pay taxes or are owed taxes, being a splenic manifestor, none of that.

You are still in the same body, you may not be consistently conscious of it, but who/what is conscious of it anyways but that same mind that is now thinking and processing information, while you being perfectly fine in the body also? You did not change body, or Type, you are simply not using S&A and there is no reason (‘need’ to) to do so either. You’re off the hook. You are on a S&A break: processing info, thoughts, viewpoints, shooting the shit.

The outer circumstances, and you being in them, participating, does not cause anything to be wrong, just by being there and doing this or that, by being able to discern, yes, my mind is distracted right now… well actually, distracted from what, is there an agenda all of a sudden, a goal, a fixedness of dos and don’ts of behaviour, of what is deemed correct according to some made up moral standards? Are we inflicting guilt on ourselves for watching tv, pretending this makes us lose bicycles?

Nice example of a mental belief structure at work, of using mind to make decisions with and not ‘be in the body’ while pretending to avoid exactly that in the first place ๐Ÿ˜€

MoonBlog 52.3

“Why?”

I don’t know ‘why’

I am not interested in my mind knowing, why
or seeking to verbalize it, mentally, even wording it, to explain it, either.

All I know is, I am doing it, and that, is why.

And having great fun doing so

I can explain, in hindsight, how I got here, but not, why.

MoonBlog 52.2

MoonBlog 51.2 withdrawal

Weirdos in the mail

weirdo: Calling all #Reflectors (according to Human Design)!!! ๐Ÿ”ฎ
Are you a reflector and feeling all the feels? Could you use some relaxation and a deep energetic reset in a loving environment where people just get you?
Join me this Sunday, online, at 10am PST for an hour of group-supprted Reiki healing for your highest good. โœจ
It’s going to be magical! ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ™
Leave any questions you have below!

Hi There! How are you doing today? I’m reaching out to let you know that I’m hosting a Reiki for Reflectors group call again this Sunday at 10am PST. Would love for you to join us!! Would you also be down to post to your page or story to get the word out to all the Reflectors in the world who could use this? Thank you so much!! ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’œ

me: Hi, only see your message now (y)
No, not down to doing that.

MoonBlog 19.3 dedication

I only have to find my own correctness in it, yours or anyone else’s has nothing to do with my S&A.

My correctness, is not a stance, nor is it something I take, and therefor not need to defend nor explain.

Besides correctness not being logical, anyone pretending that my correctness is their business, is mistaken.

This goes for any and every topic.


MoonBlog 19.3 dedication
Gate 19 of wanting, approach. That all things are interrelated is apparent and manifested through the action of approach.
Gate 19 Line 3 dedication. Receptivity to approach can only be maintained through vigilance.
Exalted: The natural ease with which communion is maintained. Sensitivity and ease fueled by acceptance by others.
Detriment: A tendency to moodiness that may lead to carelessness. The need to be wanted hampered by oversensitivity.

How to De-condition? (Effectively)

By actually going there. So not only think about Human Design and your chart and all its details (while also important), not just contemplate the information and its implications (while also important), not just study Human Design (which for some is quite important), but by actually going there, by trying to live it, by making mistakes, by experimenting and experiencing, by comparing your experiences with the theory and other peoples stories. By learning to not only understand but having the experience, of which energy is yours and which is not yours through Transit Cycle tracking and journaling. Deconditioning is something we do.

And if you need support in doing so, find that support.

The how question is one of mind, but mind can not solve it, not ahead of experiencing at least. It is not within the capacities of mind to ever solve it. We factually need to go and experience it, ourselves. We can talk about what it was like doing so, with others, but hearing what it was like, for others, does not decondition -you-.

You simply have to experience it yourself.
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MoonBlog 14.4 security

The Transit chart shows the chart of today, so ‘Personality’ side

But nothing gets imprinted, cause this only happens twice in life, 88 Solar degrees before being born (which then becomes the Design imprint) and then at birth (the Personality side). Everything else, is not you, is the weather, an external influence.

So the Transit chart of now, does not even have a Type, since Type only emerges out of the Juxtaposition of Design and Personality together, of 2 imprints of Crystals only. Type is form functioning. It can not be separated.

Then the quote, linked from my blog (https://www.mcha.nl/2020/12/13/moonblog-34-5-annihilation-2/). As I write it there also, but I’ve heard it is not that clear, so I reword it here:

The Transit chart looks very open, yes, but it does not mean, that everyone will experience these Transits, or not experience them (!). Not Reflectors, not other Types either.

I do not have Gate 30 activated/imprinted in my chart, nor the Gate at the other side of the channel, Gate 41. but when the Transit is in Gate 30, and this could be the Moon, or the Sun, or Jupiter. I can experience deep emotional overwhelm. And, this is a pattern, it happens often when something is in Gate 30.

Even when the Transit chart shows ‘no definition’, and I don’t have neither Gate 30 nor 41, and exactly this, this noticing, this observation from experience, is half the story of the Lunar Cycle.

There is no homogenized effect on anyone else (or at least, not forced/fixed) to experience cosmic baths, openness or the opposite, when Transits happen. It can only be, your own unique experience, which by journalling you will find out, how -you- sample life, differently, than I do, or any other Reflector does.

That really also is the power of Human Design, to become your own observer and finding your own truth, without having to listen or believe anyone else. Experientially. To become, your own Authority.

Enjoy ๐Ÿ™‚

MoonBlog 14.4 security
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“You have the design of a reflector, and the personality of a reflector.”

or

“[whomever] is a 6/2 Splenic Projector and non-specific manifestor in Human Design.”

Both are simply false, easy to tell too; just count your aura(s)

Type (ie Reflector) is form, is aura functioning, there are no Types in either side of the chart. One can say: I’m undefined in my Design and undefined in my Personality, or I have only Projector Type Channels/Definition, but one is never another Type in any one of them, it is the Juxtaposition of both, that makes Type and Aura. Only in the quantum of both is Type revealed.

So yes openness, but the Definition is there always, we can not separate the Design and Personality like this, they are locked together, even me as a Reflector don’t have those 2 Types on either side

You only have one aura.

 

P.S. do you -have- a design or personality, some false identification there?
And if you -have- it, where do you keep it, store it, does it eat anything, where does it sleep?, etc ๐Ÿ˜‰

 

MoonBlog 22.3

Gate 22 of openness, grace. A quality of behaviour best suited in handling mundane and trivial situations.

Gate 22 line 3 the enchanter. Perfected grace.
Exalted: Form as a definition and actualization of substance. The possibility for perfected openness through the alignment of emotional energy and awareness.
Detriment: Unconscious grace. An innate openness.
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MoonBlog 63.5 affirmation

Weirdos in the mail

weirdo: “Removing my ability to comment or discuss my take on being a reflector highlighted to me the health of your group so Iโ€™ve kindly left. I wish you all healing xxx”

me: “I have done no such thing
I’m not the admin/mod there

but the about rules of that group are quite clear
there are no takes, only experiences. The rest is just mind fodder”

weirdo: “Mine was all experience x”

me: “Wishing healing is pretending something is wrong with those other people, making you a moralistic fascist
mirror mirror on the wall”
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MoonBlog 63.3 continuance

A new experiment (and I hate it already) ๐Ÿ™‚

Most people know I live a ‘one thing lead to another’ kinda life. Soup of the day for the Reflector, restaurant analogy, yes? And some things that happen this way are absolutely amazing (positive) and some things are absolutely amazing (negative) ๐Ÿ˜‰

Now my PHS is Color 2 (Taste) and Tone 1 (Smell) making my Taste Open, those are splenic binaries. Through my PHS I have access to a discerning spleen. I’m a natural nose breather and closing my sampling is mouth breathing. And I have Gate 20, twice, one of them my Design Moon, and I call my not-self an emotional manifesting reflector, so there is a lot of immediacy (and a few other Gates allowing me to jump into hyperspace and the opening of the heavens) and all that and more.

I do a lot of tinkering, nerding, melancholic muse driven mind puzzles with musical instruments gear (guitar pedal sequence setup and wiring, amp combinations, tube rolling) and motorbike tweaking (gear ratios, air filters, carb and exhaust tweaking) and recently also some more electronics as in guitar pedal making and now a vacuum tube tester, and so on.

So a lot is bought and sold all the time, all, the, time. Including lots of tools and machinery to do all those things. Which I enjoy a lot. A lot of research goes into it, and I do quite well in finding just the right thing, over time, reading all the reviews and having gained more knowledge and hands on experience of some of the procedures and techniques over the years.

Right now I’m diving into model making, gluing shaped pieces of plastic together and then painting them. Brushing these paints on, looks hideous. So I need an airbrush set-up… (and learn how to use it)

The new experiment is, wait, comma, pause, one lunar cycle before buying anything, -anything-. Everything.

Oh boy….
I already don’t like this… ๐Ÿ˜‰
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Moonblog 49.6 attraction

reflector sampling, or… not-self? ๐Ÿ˜‰

I once bought a Digital Multi Meter. Hadn’t had one in a while and building guitar pedals, working on motorbikes and what not, they come in handy. So I buy a new one from a so-so brand for about 40 bucks I think. Conrad’s own Voltcraft VC175.

At one point it stops working, all I get are four dashes – – – – and not 0.035volts for instance.

So I try to find another one to replace it, second hand this time, and preferably a brand. I find one that looks a bit crummy but is super easy to use and has all the functions that I think I need and it’s a Fluke, 113 model. Stil twice the price of the other one new, but hey, its a Fluke.

Once home I clean the outside up a little with water and soap and use it, and it’s great. Until I need to do some tests and I get weird results. I even end up sending the pcb elsewhere for testing and finding out what is wrong. Turns out, all the tests run fine, my meter is off ! So seemingly fully functioning, but wrong values.

So I decide to scour the interwebs for advice for another one. Cause I’m not that enthusiastic about getting a ‘better’ 200 bucks Fluke this time, even if I love my gadgets and I like well known stuff, but let’s see what the experts have to say. There I find there are kinda 2 camps, the cheapos and the semi-professionals. The cheapos advice the Aneng AN8008 or AN8009 for about 20 bucks, new, incl shipping from China and the semi-professionals advice the Brymen BM235 which costs about 95 bucks brand new, excl shipping.

I realize one meter is no meter, you need to be able to check yours if anything is off. So I decide to buy them both, it’s only 20 bucks extra and the cheaper one is quite liked too, so why not? I see a funny GM328A meter gadget for 3 pin diodes and whatnot for 15 bucks and get that one too.

Realising also, that my electronic work and interest is growing and that maybe it is time for an oscilloscope too. Go into the deep end of measuring and the semi-professionals kinda agree on the Rigol DS1054Z as a great beginners scope, so that one is in the back of my mind/on the wannahave list. Meanwhile I also read up on calibrating Digital Multi Meters and find the ‘DMM Check Plus‘ which comes with a proper calibration report so you can always verify your meters and their measured results, or compare to each other how precise they are, mmm yum, I like that even better ! ๐Ÿ™‚

Slowly slowly the meters arrive, and while I’m making a post about the different meters, I see a picture of the inside of the Voltcraft VC175

And I notice 2 fuses… so I open it up and with the new Brymen BM235 I check the fuses, and the 10A 5600V one is working, but the 0.5A 600V is broken. Would it.. could it be?

I order a few spare fuses and once they arrive I replace the broken one and voilร  ! No more dashes and reading normal values….

So now having 4 Digital Multi Meters, of which 3 are working fine (fluke is still flakey), one gadgety one, an oscilloscope and a calibrated meter checker/tester, when all I needed was to replace one fuse? Was it?

Happy sampling ! ๐Ÿ™‚
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MoonBlog 34.5 annihilation

โ€œThe (un)bearable lightness of beingโ€ฆโ€

“2 days of no transit definition. All 9 centres white. A rare opportunity for Reflectors to savour the complete absence of any kind of pressure from without and within. Difficult to find the right words to express the delight I am experiencing in this limitless space and time, the weightlessness of the body moving around as if floating. No definition, no structure, no mind interfering in this experience of โ€œthe (un)bearable lightness of just being there – in wonderโ€ฆโ€

Reflectors around the globe โ€“ watch out for those days and find a way to be by yourself in those rare momentsโ€ฆ you might be up for a surprise!”

and: “It happened again today… yes – it’s difficult to describe in words Isabel Moreira. I imagine that’s why some people use drugs to have that kind of experience. Maybe later on something pops up to share more with my Reflector kin… For now I am just savouring this cosmic bath… in silence… ๐Ÿ˜ถ” – Nisarg B. Nikiel

What is this notion of a cosmic bath? Right now the Moon is in Gate 34 forming a temporary conditioned definition with my Gate 20. Besides we’re not here to live the Transits themselves, and even then, our individual experience will always be different, regardless of what the resulting chart looks like. The chart is not the life (!)

The other day (August 21st 2020), Earth was in Gate 30 line 5, which I do not have in my chart, nor do I have Gate 41, but I’ve never seriously felt more depressed and suicidal than ever before, when for instance I was in much more dire situations/outer circumstances. No I was just sitting there on my bed, watching tv, a comedy even, and I became deeply depressed and suicidal. This Gate 30 has always been a huge trigger for me. Nothing cosmic or bath-like for me, unless it was to drown myself in, to die.

There are no fairy tales in Human Design and certainly no homogenization, so when there are no channels formed by the Transits, it does not have to mean anything at all, and most certainly not for all Reflectors, no made up surprises, nothing the same for anyone/everyone else. Even when ‘no definition’ shows up. Nothing is fixed, not positive not negative.

Weirdo in the mail about this post here: SunBlog 11.5 the philanthropist (in Detriment) Read more

MoonBlog 51.1 reference

When I started to live on my own, as a young kid still, I would have a coffee and a few cigarettes in the morning, and just fiddle around (pre internet dayz). Then only around lunch time I would eat something, and then dinner again, later on in the evening a cookie perhaps. And did so for many, many years.

In 2009 I stopped smoking and in 2011 I got conditioned to eat breakfast, (at the International Osho Resort) and have eaten breakfast ever since. And have become more overweight ever since. No blame to the resort though.

Understanding what an emotional eater I am, how easily most anything/everything is an emotional trigger, for good, for bad, for happy, for sad, I like eating. And with my PHS of Open Taste and Smell, and undefined Solar Plexus, I eat ๐Ÿ™‚

I have esophagus issues, since about 2 years, probably a rupture somewhere at the lower esophageal sphincter (LES), cause of overweight, the only remedy; lose weight.
I went to see a dietitian and she did help me see some interesting things about my food intake, and so some things were changed radically, other things actually increased, like my breakfast intake and to double-up on lunch, since I was underfeeding myself in the morning and at lunch and therefor over eating on way too fatty foods during dinner, besides the whole taste/smell thing. But I kept eating, eating to much, too often.

Maybe not according to any schedule, or system, but according to my body.

So 2 weeks ago I got more esophagus pain, like it was contracting a muscle, or like a leg cramp, but then in your chest, very painful. I checked my weight, and I was heavier then when I started dieting… I knew I was over eating again, and so I quit.

But most importantly, I quit breakfast. Now I just have a coffee in the morning, some interwebz, and then only around lunch time, I eat again.

And that late night cookie is 1 again, not 2, or more.

And I feel a slow deeper layer of feeling fine again, of feeling healthier for eating less, and also, less often, and less emo triggered. I feel lighter inside, even if I have not checked my weight, or am going to check in a while ๐Ÿ˜‰

It is so funny to not have ‘hunger’ issues when following the body’s correctness, for not eating since late night cookie until lunch. Not feeling woozy either. Just very naturally fine. And landing back, digesting exactly like it was before.

Your body already knows, now get out of the ff-ing way.
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MoonBlog 12.6 metamorphosis

Weirdos in the mail

FRI 23:49 Received FB friendship request, accept

Me: Hi, thanks for connecting ๐Ÿ™‚

Weirdo: thank you for reaching out and accepting Sjef!

Me: Is it ok to share your (birth) data with me?
Mine are at the bottom here:
http://www.mcha.nl/reflector/

Weirdo: why would you ask for it Sjef?

Me: I always ask for it
https://www.facebook.com/sjef.romijn/posts/1048372788868833
[4/6 Reflector, PLL-DLR, RAX of Rulership] public service announcement:
If you make a FB friend request, but can not even say ‘Hi’ back, you’re out.
If you’re into HD but don’t want to share your HD chart with me, you’re out.
If you ask me HD questions, but don’t (want to) get into studying it, then ask 20 questions in groups, you’re out.

Weirdo: why?
this is private, no?

Me: but it is not a matter of why
it is either correct ofr you to share, or not correct
that is Living Your Design, to follow through on your correctness
not yout mind

Weirdo: if you will explain other than just request it would be easier for me to related to

Me: no, that is your mind being in control

Weirdo: no

Me: which is fine, but then your answer, falsly, is no
which is different than your Inner Authority saying no

Weirdo: falsely? can you explain?

Me: as long as you come up with arguments, like it is private, it is mind deciding
it is not S&A
mind is defending something
but like I said in the link
if, for whichever ‘reason’ you don’t share it
then we’re not going to be fb friends
I only interact with people I do have a chart of
as fb friends that is

Weirdo: I am not coming up with an argument but requesting to understand the why. I think it more than fair.

Me: fair is mind
understanding is mind
Im not here to answer your mind
nor are you here to answer mine
it is correct or not
those are arguments
and I have explained it

Weirdo: my Son needs my attention. whether you wish to be my friend or not is your own call.

Me: absolutely

Weirdo: trust is something you build

Me: is a mental discernment
but if that is your current answer, perfectly fine, no objection
enjoy your day ๐Ÿ™‚

Weirdo: i invite you to read some of the things I am writing about friendship and trust
linkedin link
thank you.

Me: I dont have Linked In and Im not interested in the opinions of your mind, arguments
you dont want to share your chart, for whatever reason
so I unfriended you

Weirdo: we will talk more

Me: no we wont

Weirdo: thank you. have a great day Sir.
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MoonBlog 30.5 Irony

When people think it’s about the shininess of the content of the bargain they propose
but it’s all about the initiation, which is irrelevant to you or the contents themselves.

It is simply correct, or, not correct.

Not because of the shiny things you offer, or the results you propose.
Correctness does not care about the this & that of it.

add-on/edit: unless the bargain is sex… I guess, then yes, promised shiny results are key ๐Ÿ˜‰

But when you try to bargain something that is not sex, aahh well
get ready to be surprised ๐Ÿ˜€
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MoonBlog 52.5 Explanation

Topic raised: “on the fringe and conspiratorial vs. those who are not” & “if the difference here is between individual and tribal circuitry respectively.

To me, it does not seem related to circuitry or even mechanics.

If one has control issues, which is a psychological disorder, then one is doubtful and in ‘against’ mode.

If one is the passenger (again), there is only observation and experience, mind is no longer running the show, and there is no more ‘issue’.

To be in this world but not of it

walking around like a tourist, through lock-downs and Ikea parking lot lines, none of it is personal (anymore).

Whereas the conspiracy theorists, (regardless of whether their particular conspiracy may be factually true!!), still have a (entirely made up) personal stake in outcomes. It’s just ego/mind.

Just like being born tall or short is not personal, but here we are incarnated into this body this time, well, see what it does, how it moves, runs, lays on the couch.

Instead of imposing will and arguments on how and what, life ‘should’ look like. The vanity and intellectual arrogance…

Mind you, I was deeply into conspiracies and anger issues and make-ability syndrome, and much more similar mental illness issues.

That is how I see them now, my mind was running the show and it was sick. Now it’s just crazy but no longer running things. Quite a comfortable/pleasant difference.
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