apathy

“Is there anyone here who has experienced, and made it through apathy and prolonged depression during their HD experiment?”

when I smoked pot & hash every day, when I took LSD for the better part of a year, when I was a severe alcoholic, when I was homeless, when I was in prison, when I came out of prison, when I was single. When my mind was running the shitshow.

But never so much anymore since/during my HD experiment. But my life has been radically changed (well one could call it that, I kinda like it, so the comparison is just words) cause I occupy my left/active brain as much as possible with things that I enjoy.

Tinkering my ass off, with guitars, guitar effect pedals, amplifiers, modding them, tweaking and nerding. Since almost 2 years I got a 3d printer now THAT can keep you occupied !! 😀
and am looking forward to tinker with a cnc milling machine next, besides the motorbike(s) tinkering I always did.

“Sjef, why does your living room look like a barn?” she asked.
Because I can !

And, I only watch what I download myself, ie movies/tv-shows. And when I travel I take a vaccin if required. I no longer occupy my mind with the world, and it’s supposed issues, but mine only. I have become much more myopic, not even on purpose per se, not even as a mental strategy, but I do know it works for me.

Am I chasing only happy states? No, in the least, my daily life is not easy, but I know what I want to do with it, now, with the opportunities I now have. If I win the lottery those may change, but for now, I’m pretty damn good.

And then a few days of relapse, deep darkness, sadness. Mind projecting me all these things again. Ah well, time for another nap, or perhaps to level the bed once more (technical 3d printing term) 😉

Make/have dinner, clean the house/barn, pffrt (blowing raspberry)

you know, I consider my life, and how it’s run, as a job. And I love my job, and I love me. So I try to do a good job. And work on it every single day. What is correct for me, what can I or can I not do/have/be today, enjoyable long term strategies planned, but adjusted as need be. Me, my life, one job. Every day.

Some times it is nap day, sometimes it is not 😉
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